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| 9.7 | Relationships Tip - Avoid Useless Arguments |
| 9.7/10 |
115
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| 1/20/2009 |
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How to protect your new relationships by avoiding pointless arguments
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 | The only way to really win an argument is to not have it in the first place. Often, our arguments are meaningless. The best thing to do is to listen. If someone wants to argue with you, don’t interrupt. If a person has a problem let them vent. Look at it from their point of view. If they have a good point, agree with them! Once you agree, they have no ammunition. They can no longer be angry.
Control your anger. Anger will only escalate the problem, making an argument personal and unforgivable. Look for areas where you can agree and work forward from there. Take a break. Walk away from the argument and promise to think over the points you disagree on. When you take a break, honestly ask yourself if this person could be right. Is it possible that you are wrong?
If someone ever says something and you find yourself thinking, “That is stupid”, stop and ask yourself why do they think that way? Could you be wrong? What things must they believe to think this way?
If you have to argue, don’t speak in absolutes. These are like making assumptions that something is positively correct and that something else is wrong. This will push people into a defensive stance. Instead, start by saying “I could be wrong, but I think_________ and this is why ________”. Listen to their points and then say, “Let’s review the points, ______”.
Avoid talk about religion and politics! Especially with new acquaintances! These issues are based on beliefs that are not easily changed. You are not going to change anyone’s mind! You are just going to push them away and give the emotional ammunition that confirms their beliefs. You should not tell someone to believe something new. By doing so, you are telling them that their current beliefs are wrong. You are saying that their minds are wrong. You are saying that they are inferior to you in some way. How could doing this help your personal relationships?
When your beliefs clash with someone else’s, often the result is anger. In the worst case, you will patronize the person. In either case, nothing positive is accomplished. Realize that your beliefs seem just as irrational as theirs. Keep them to yourself.
Remember these quotes about arguments:
“A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still”
“Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.” – R. Laurence J. Peter
“A wise man changes his mind, a fool never” – Spanish proverb
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| Leave a Comment About the Tip: 'Avoid Useless Arguments' |
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| Comments | Showing Comment 1 - 2 of 2 |
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| 1 | HkxHtbcq |
| Good point. I hadn't thouhgt about it quite that way. :)
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| Comment 1 On:Avoid Useless Arguments
Added By: PSliOqLaycfCAQzb
Added On: 4/25/2011 6:12:48 PM |
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| 2 | No Religion No Politics |
| Yup. Avoid these fights if you want to keep friends. If the topics come up, quickly change the subject. You are not going to change anyone's mind but you will kill friendships.
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| Comment 2 On:Avoid Useless Arguments
Added On: 2/7/2009 2:41:38 PM |
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